SHOCK: Easter Bunny splits from wife, heads to sex rehab

The Easter Bunny with two young women, neither of whom are his wife. DID they sleep with him - that's for you to decide!

BY DEREMY UNDERHILL, ON THE SCENE!

Millions of fans around the world are asking what “hoppened” after the Easter Bunny and his wife Trixie have separated in the wake of tabloid reports that the egg-bringing bunny has checked himself into a sex rehab clinic.

According to the National Enquirer, Easter’s iconic mascot has engaged in a life of reckless sexual conquests, seeing dozens of harestitutes a night during his frequent travels and checking into hotels under such aliases as “Hoppy McHornyston” and “Thumper Humperland.”

The final straw for Trixie Bunny reportedly came yesterday after her husband returned from his global Easter egg trek. Friends say she discovered thousands of sexually-charged text messages on his cell phone to mistresses describing sex acts involving “the erotic use of lettuce” and “snorting lines of carotene off their asses.”

Shortly after the discovery, a bleeding, disheveled Easter Bunny was seen hopping rapidly from his Malibu mansion as his wife followed suit, screaming obscenities and hurling boxes of Peeps at him. He has since checked himself into Los Angeles’ Rancho Nofornico sex rehab clinic, where he’s sharing a common room with David Duchovny and that jerk who’s married to Sandra Bullock.

In a sign of explosive legal and publicity battles to come, Trixie has retained celebrity attorney Gloria Allred, who released a statement blasting the Easter Bunny.

“This isn’t just a betrayal of Mrs. Bunny” Allred said, “this is a betrayal of their children Flopsy, Mopsy, Snowball, Princess, Topsy, Shopsy, Phil, Cottontail, Trixie Jr., Fluffy, Amber, Max, Hocus Pocus, Buttons, Sunny, Smores, Dopey, Honey, Muffin, Bumper, Bunster, Pepper, Merry, Daisy, Nibbles, Belle, Sneezy, Mittens, Rex, Snuggles, Jar Jar, Hopper, Dash, Hillary, Binky, Hopkins, Harvey, Patches, Tuxedo, Tinkerbell, Willow, Phil 2, Piper, and Puddles. Mrs. Bunny eagerly intends to collect as much restitution as possible to ensure these impressionable youngsters grow up as responsible members of the rabbit community.”

Ms. Allred said her client would be seeking a settlement “somewhere in the $500 million range” – roughly half of the Easter Bunny’s estimated net worth, which he largely gained from lucrative endorsement deals for such products as Viagra, Rogaine and Philip Morris cigarettes.

While most of the Easter Bunny’s friends have remained silent since the news of the affairs broke, at least one high-profile rabbit is stepping forward to defend his pal.

“He’s a rabbit. Rabbits f*ck a lot. It’s nature’s way,” said actor/comedian Bugs Bunny. “Anyway, how can you expect him to keep his zipper up when doesn’t even wear pants?”